this act of love

There are many things that I absolutely despise in this world - I won't name them all, but most of them tend be inborn. I don't know. Bad parenting perhaps. Anywho, I have done a lot of reflection, and I found that I am finally happy. I finally found an inkling of inner peace.

I said 2 years ago that I would become consistent with writing on this blog. Or disciplined in general. Let's just say that this blog didn't come into fruition as I thought it would, but it is still my record of all of the important things of my life. Although my writing may have deteriorated in quality and cleverness, I have found something more valuable.

I gave myself the gift of discipline. Two years ago, I was in shambles, crying over the uncertainty of life. Loss of direction guided every decision I did not want to make. I hated the lack of freedom I gave to myself. I decided to stick with a job, a goal, a dream, and a set of values that would propel me into my future. I have never done that before. I cannot imagine not doing it now.

In the past 1 1/2 years, I have received three promotions at my job, I have secured stability for the foreseeable future, I gave myself an education on all the important things, and I fixed major aspects of my health. Most of all, I found that I believed in myself, just a tad. Enough to feel like I can make smart decisions about my future. Enough to realize who I want to be.

I just took a vacation, and I couldn't fathom taking a couple of days off of work. Work ethic has been ingrained as a pillar of my stability, and it hurts to knock it off for a couple of days. But alas, my body needed some rest, and I am required to take days off so here I am in the midst of everlasting grandiosity. Mother nature.

She has a tendency to humble those who think of themselves as more than they are. I felt my mortality shake my inner core these past couple of days. I have felt insignificant and powerless. But in a good way. I felt reborn. Less consequential. A piece of a larger game called life, and I was happy to take my place.

To creating ourselves! A great privilege I will always cherish.